My life was turned upside down

I refused to believe what had happened. After we found out that my dad was really gone, they came back in and asked if we wanted to go see him. I refused, vehemently. I did not want to be convinced. To me, he was still alive. When his funeral came around and the whole family was joined over the tragedy, I pretended to be perfectly fine. Everyone commended me on my quick action and my grown up attitude. My oldest brother, Todd, told me that I was his hero and he could not believe what all I had done. I accepted the praise, but still refused to admit that he was gone. I had been out of school the whole week but decided the day after the funeral I was going to go with one of my friends who had come to the funeral. We got on the bus in the morning, but by the early afternoon, right after lunch, my mom stopped by and asked how I was doing. I told her I wanted to go home. When we all finally returned back to school, my grades took a complete downward spiral. I would sit in class and daydream that my dad was coming home that afternoon to give us all hugs and kisses and we could all go on with our lives as normal. I had no idea on how to deal with the loss. My mom was also in total shock and denial. None of us knew how to talk about it. So we all let it fester up inside. How do you talk about something that no one wants to believe?? How do you handle that grief? I just pretended that he was away on a trip and he would be coming home soon. That is how I dealt with it the rest of that year.